Jet is really a wonderful cat. We rescued her from a terrible home environment of torture and abuse. She spent the first 6 months at my house under my bed. A true cat ghost. But there in lies the problem. I think she really wants to spend the rest of her life thanking me for that rescue.

Keep in mind, she hates the other animals in the house. But not me. I cannot sit down on the couch and she rushes over to get pets. Yells at me, NONE STOP! Won’t leave me alone. I give her pets. She takes the pets. She wants……MORE PETS. Jeez. Leave me alone. I want to just spend some time watching T.V. without being harassed non-fricking-stop. LEAVE ME ALONE. You got your pets. I accept your thanks. Yes, you are a happy cat. I understand that. But, I have something to tell you…… I AM NOT A HAPPY OWNER. I’m taking out a restraining order on you. 5 feet away from me from here on out buddy. Not one paw closer. I mean it.

At least tonight.

Today I find myself thinking about you, my dear blog. When I first started writing the Dad2twins blog, I was fresh into parenthood. The kids were barely born and I was in utter and complete shock that I was a new father of not one, but two beautiful little girls. I dubbed them the Farty Pants Twins. I am Dad2twins. Together we are this blog.

The Farty Pants Twins are doing great. We continue to feed them. They grow. They want more food. We feed them again. They grow so more. A vicious cycle. The same cannot be said for this blog. If this blog was one of my girls, I would be in jail for child abandonment. Or worse, starvation or murder. So I count my lucky stars this is only the outlet for my parental rants. My ego. My alter ego actually.

So here I am. Still writing. Thinking about where to go with this blog. Do I keep doing what I’ve been doing? Do I ramp it back up again? There is so much to say and see and do. If you follow me on facebook you will know I am addicted to that new avenue of expression. For the rest of you who are not “friended” I need to think about you as well. As if you care. Do you care? I hope so. I actually do care. Really, I do.

Anyway, enough of the stream of consciousness. I promise my new years resolution will be to think about this blog more often. Hey, I’m a month and a half early on the resolution. That has got to be a good thing. Right?

Happy Thanksgiving everyone. I am thankful you still read this.

Next stop…..College. I guess I better start saving some money now. Oh wait, they have dual citizenship in Germany. College is free there. Pack your bags girls, your going to college in Germany.

That is, of course, assuming we make it through kindergarten.

Last night was a BAD night. At 2AM my daughter woke me up because she was visited by a monster. She cannot describe the monster because she was to traumatized by the visit to describe the drive by. Needless to say, the visit didn’t just effect her, but dragged me into the dream as well.

So with that being said, we have new visiting hours at our house for monsters, ghouls, creepy crawly things, and the like. There will be no visits between the hours of 6PM and 7AM. None!

Also, if you would like to visit my girls, you will need to be pre-screened ahead of time by me. In other words, if you don’t look like this, you are out of luck.

Thanks.

A tired Dad2twins.

The Tooth Fairy

This is my version. (Note the bottle of whiskey to get me through the night of humiliation.)

Oh well, there is always next year…..

To all of the strip club searchers who find there way to my blog because I once wrote about my buddy and his bachelor party in Reno. Thanks. You keep making me money on Google ads. Thanks for supporting a Dad of twin girls.

Now DELURK!

It also works for the sellers of religion too!

Warning: this song may offend you. I don’t really care though.

Yes, you guessed it, it’s vacation planning time at Farty Pants World Headquarters.

Over the past couple of years, we have taken the kids to Europe to see family, and with family in tow to Tahiti, New Zealand and Hawaii. Yes, I know. I am not asking you to cry me a river. We are fortunate. But! All of these trips entailed getting on airplanes and traveling long distances so that we could enjoy whereever we were.

I love to travel. My wife loves to travel. Believe it or not, my kids love to travel. They are great fliers. They have been traveling since they were born. They think airports are fun. They love to drag their little carry on behind them through airports all over the world. They know that they have to take off their shoes going through security. They expect airport toilets to be yucky, and they can play on the airport people movers for hours waiting to board the next flight at 4 a.m. in the morning in some far off land. In short, they are travel veterans.

But I have laid down the law this year. No more airplanes for the rest of this year. I want to return to the simple life. Don’t get me wrong, I want to travel. I need to travel. I have lots to see. In a previous post I mentioned that I have been to a lot of places. Upon reflection, I realized I have not been to enough places in my own back yard. I’m speaking of the good ol’ U.S. of A.  So I have convinced my wife that this years vacation will be a driving vacation. She is thrilled. (Insert sarcastic looking facial expression here.)

It has taken some convincing. Alright, even some begging. No torture though. We in the nation of Farty Pants are above that. I got a bug up my ass that we should rent one of these and hit the road. I really want to go to Yellowstone.

I mapped it out on Google Maps and and it is doable. The kids can pee and poop as we drive. My wife promises me she will keep the car sickness to a minimum and we can travel in style. Our own self-contained mobile Farty Pants World Headquarters. I bet I can even blog about the trip as we drive.

So, stay tuned. If I can get one of those mobile beauties rented for a reasonable price and at a reasonable time, we will be doing my favorite past time. ROAD TRIP!!!!!!!!!!

P.S. I bet we are on a plane again before the year is out.