It has become apparent to me that the official blog of the Farty Pants Twins is being censored. Yes, Dad2twins is being censored! I am just a little bit peeved about this and I am not going to take this lying down.

While using my government approved spyware, also known as Google Analytics (just kidding Google, please don’t kick me out), I have been tracking my visitors on their map overlay tracker. You can see the recent results below:

Here is what I have determined to be the Official Dad2twins State Department list of offenders who MUST be censoring my blog:

1. Greenland. What’s up Greenland. I know you are part of Denmark, sort of, but give me some love.

2. The following states in the U.S. : Idaho, Montana, Wyoming, New Mexico, North Dakota, Nebraska, Oklahoma, Rhode Island & Mississippi. Dad2twins will not be vacationing in any of these states until they make amends. Except for our trip to Yellowstone we might take next year. Hey Wyoming and Montana, it’s not to late for me to call that off.

3. Iceland. ICELAND! I just love Björk and sigur rós. Come on people, give me some love. To think I was thinking of visiting your fine island.

4. Finland. Yeah, so what. Russian vodka is better. Oh, and I don’t like fish that much.

5. All of Africa, except the following countries: South Africa and Senegal. I just don’t understand how the most technologically advanced continent in the world does not visit my blog. Go figure.

6. China. Big surprise here. But with the Olympics coming, they may want to get in my good graces. Hey China, you feeling me?

7. Mongolia. Where the hell is Mongolia anyway? I think I ate at a Mongolian BBQ once.

8. All of the Middle East. I blame our current administration for this one. Bush & Cheney have it out for Dad2twins. Just look at Wyoming above. (Editors note for those who didn’t get that joke: Cheney’s home state.)

9. Indonesia and all of those places around there except, Malyasia and the Phillipines. They love me.

10. Central America. To think I was going to buy some property in Costa Rica. Deals off!
11. The Carribean countries. Why, who knows, I visit often and have left plenty of money in their jewelry shops.

12. Finally, all of South America except Venezuela, Brazil, Chili and Argentina.

I think I even got a visitor from the South Pole so the places on this list should be embarrassed about this.

Now, if the State Departments of each of these places on my official censor list would like to contact me and make a small charitable donation to my favorite causes, I can be bought. Cash is king. Speak to me or I might have to put you on my “terrorist watch list” as well.

You’ve been warned.

- Dad2twins.com