Yesterday, I met a lady who saw or twins and gave us the standard “you are blessed by God” quote. Know, I have nothing against God or people of faith. But they always have to carry on about how they knew so and so who had twins and blah, blah, blah.

Then she keeps blabbing and ask us if our twins are Fraternal or Maternal. She says they must be Maternal because they look like my wife.

So for future reference to all those people who don’t have twins, please see answers below to frequently asked questions about twins:

• Yes, the twins really are treated like Rock Stars every time we go to Costco.
• Yes, Nuns especially like twins and scare the living bejesus out of them with their Habits.
• No, there is no such thing as Maternal twins. They are either Fraternal or Identical.
• Yes, identical twins do NOT have to look identical. It’s the DNA people.
• Yes, my wife only got pregnant once to have the twins.
• Yes, there names are Pete and Repeat. (Personal joke, sorry).
• No, it is none of your business. (This works for most questions people ask.)
• NO! They are not monkeys and you can’t take your picture with them! This is our family time asshole!
• Yes, they are just like regular kids because they are regular kids.
• No, you can’t kiss, touch, pinch, or hug them. WTF? Sure, they love when strangers molest them. Go for it!
• No, I am not rude, just tired of stupid people like you asking stupid questions.
• No, Fuck Off! - My personal favorite.

Did I miss any?

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